So, I either chipped a filling or broke a tooth. I can’t tell. I have had problems with this tooth f.o.r.e.v.e.r. This sucks. Now, you are asking yourself “How did she do that?” Well, I bit down on a turkey wing. Ugh. Now I have to call the dentist. At least I like the dentist. This is going to be painful, because it already is.
ugh.
One of the best movies ever made! You have to see it if you haven’t…and the song! “Big Trouble in Little China.” Amazing. Okay, the video is corny, but the song is great.
Anyway this post has nothing to do with the movie. I was just singing this song in my head, and now of course I’ve popped the movie in.
This blog has nothing to do with anything. It’s not even a real blog. Move on people.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help, I’m a rock.
Help.
I love change. Maybe love isn’t the right word. I need change. I am not good at sitting still for very long. I’ve been living in the same state for 11 years, had the same job for 10 years and I’ve lived in the same house for 5 years. Some people may think that I’m lucky and that this stability is a sign of success. I actually am pretty impressed with myself that I have been so stable. But it doesn’t feel natural. It feels like breathing underwater. I’m not saying it’s a bad feeling, it’s just unnatural to me. So, I change little things, like my hair. I’ve colored it 3 times in since February.
I like it. I changed something without doing permanent damage.
I also dig chaos. Controlled chaos. You know, that kind of chaos that is self-induced. A good example is like when you are organizing a child’s birthday party and there are tons of kids running around, and people show up that didn’t rsvp and the cake doesn’t turn out perfect. It’s chaos while it’s happening, but afterwards, it’s just a great memory.
Change & chaos, they both have a very secure place in my life.
So, my husband and I talked about my car fiasco last night and agreed that we should have the car towed home and put off the repairs until we can save up the 4000. We have two other cars I can drive, so it’s not a really big deal…just a lot of money. So, I call Midas this morning to let them know that I would be towing the car back home and we would take care of the repairs at a later date. Well, Jon, the ultra nice guy at Midas, tells me that I wouldn’t be paying for the repairs. I said “What?” He said, “You don’t have to pay for the repairs, Big O Tires does.” I was like, “What?” He said, “The front tires they installed are not the same, one is 2 sizes too big and it caused all this damage. I’ve done the research and looked everything up and they are responsible, so you aren’t paying for this repair, they are.” I was totally stunned. I had spent yesterday in tears and I was so stressed out trying to figure out what to do, and trying to think of what I had done to destroy my front end. I don’t drive rough, the car is a 2004 and it just didn’t make sense. The relief was palatable. I called Big O and they were understanding and very surprised that they could have screwed up like that. I was surprised too, since I have been going to them for years, and they are great! So, Monday I should have a better idea of what is going on, Midas and Big O are working together to get this handled, and I am so thankful to God for being there for me and my husband for holding me almost all evening when I was freaking out.
Now, I get to go to my nieces’ wedding and see my family. I am really excited.
Also…hold on to your tits… my mom called me yesterday. My mom called me! For those of you who don’t know the history of this, we haven’t spoken in over 2 years. It was a stupid argument, as it usually is, and we let it go too far. She was being stubborn and I refused to stand down. My little sister has been calling her every day telling her to swallow her pride and call me, and she did. It was wonderful!!! I can’t wait to see her next month!
I have found my happy place again, and for the life of me I can’t figure out how I misplaced it.
When life sucks…it really sucks. Normally, I’m a pretty positive person, at least I like to think I can find the brighter side of things. But I just can’t anymore. I’ve been having some car issues, and that is a pretty big thing for me since I drive 2 hours a day back and forth to work. I bought a Jeep Grand Cherokee, thinking that for once in my life I was going to get a car I actually wanted. I was really happy with it. Then small things start happening, and of course when you bring it to the dealership they can’t find anything wrong with it. About 6 months ago, the door locks and windows stopped working. Not really a critical thing since it was winter and I don’t really need to unroll the windows, plus it would cost over 500 to get it fixed, so I of course put it off. Then, last week, I took it in and spent 1500 getting shocks, brakes, and repair work that was needed. Still, it needed about 1000 more worth of work to get it in top shape. I had a list and I was going to do it all bit by bit. I’m sooo not made of money. Then, this morning, I was driving along to work, just entering the pass (a stretch of road cut out of the mountain surrounded by ravines and boulders) when I decided that 4 full-time was no longer necessary on this gorgeous day. No need to waste precious fuel. So, I put it in 2 wheel. Something felt very wrong. My car started making a scary grinding noise and I thought, holy shit, and tried to put it back into 4 full-time. It didn’t work, the grinding got worse and there is absolutely no where to pull over while driving through the pass, so I slowed down as much as I could and as I was coming out of the pass a horrible clunking noise came from my front end and smoke was everywhere. I pulled over as soon as I could and turned off my car. Smoke was billowing around the car. It was horrible. I called Midas, the last people to work on the car and they sent out a tow truck. It was all very quick and efficient. When I got to Midas, they pulled apart the front end and showed me the most nasty, oily, ground up shit I’ve ever seen on a car. My front differential was completely shot. I tried to keep from crying; knowing that I can’t afford whatever this is going to cost. About 1/2 hour later my friend Nancy came to get me and Jon at Midas told me what it would cost me. It’s one of those, if it doesn’t get fixed, it’s just a lawn ornament, things. 4,240.39. What does this mean? It means I’m fucked. I really wanted to go to my Nieces’ wedding next month since I haven’t seen my family, including my grandmother in many years. I was trying really hard to figure out where I could come up with the 800 I needed for that. It would have been an opportunity to smooth things over with my mother whom I haven’t spoken to in almost 3 years and my son would get to see everyone. This sucks, this fucking sucks. I guess the bright side is that the car didn’t lock up while I was driving and throw me into the mountainside or into a ravine. Honestly, other than that, I’m having real trouble finding happiness in my life right now. This really sucks.
Statistics for today:
Deaths today as of this posting: 105,833
Births today as of this posting: 257,478
People who died of hunger today as of this posting: 20,720
Overweight people in the world today as of this posting: 1,121,476,901
Spam sent today as of this posting: 92,842,793,530
I hate statistics.
Yeah, I’ve got em’. Dreams that is. Big dreams. Dreams of dreaming mostly. I also dream of being in Evita as Eva Peron. I don’t know why, but I want to be on stage in front of hundreds, even thousands of people singing my little guts out. ‘Breath from the diaphragm - don’t worry about looking fat’. How many times did I hear that in my youth….like a million! Ah, dreams. I still think they can come true.
Some conversations should be done in person, or over the phone. Conversations that involve facial expression and voice inflections. E-mail can be rehearsed and re-written, IM is impersonal and hard to sometimes interpret. I love face-to-face when it is a truly heartfelt discussion.
I have a friend that I haven’t seen in about 30 years. She is wonderful, and sweet and has always been in the forefront of my mind. When she moved away while we were still in elementary school, I didn’t really think I would ever hear from her, or see her again. Well, with good old technology, we found each other. We are over a thousand miles apart and I am grateful that I can talk to her through e-mail and IM, but they lack the closeness you get from face to face or phone. I don’t know why we haven’t graduated to phone conversations yet, but I am hoping that we will soon. Some things just really need to be said in person.
Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I need to improve my memory and improve overall brain function. I found Lumosity. I normally don’t play games on a computer…okay, I love JigZone, but I don’t really consider that a game, although I know it is. Anyway, Lumosity makes me feel like I am playing a game with an ulterior motive - brain improvement. Let’s face it, we could all use some more brain power.
Why do we call pants, pants? Why is it plural? Why do we say “a pair of pants” or “a pair of panties”? I don’t say “a pair of bras” or “a pair of t-shirts”. Isn’t that implying there are two? There are different opinions of course, like we have two legs so, it’s a pair of pants or a pair of panties, but that’s rather lame. The word pants stems from pantaloons - a man’s close-fitting garment for the hips and legs, worn in the 19th century, but varying in form from period to period; also known as trousers. Panties comes from pants, but it more closely resembles the definition of knickers - bloomers formerly worn as underwear by women and girls.
Still, none of this information answers my original question. After tireless research on our ever-expanding and totally dependable internet, I found that women’s panties or knickers in the early 19th century consisted of two seperate legs joined at the waist, leaving an opening for the pink parts. Ah, two seperate legs - thus the plural. It also made it easy for relieving oneself or other things…ahem…back then. I always wondered how those women dealt with all those layers of skirts. It’s making a little sense, but it is all so wrong for our modern usage. No wonder the English language is so hard to learn. Pants, panties…sheesh. I’m just going to call it pant and panty. That’s right. I’m rebelling.
Seriously, I want to talk about laundry. Why is it that most people I know dread doing the laundry? It’s not exactly hard, I mean the machines do all the work, right? We just have to sort, throw it in, fold, and put away. It’s way harder to do the dishes. There is a lot of waiting involved in doing the laundry, but other than that, I kind of like it. I definately like the end result. Especially when you wake up late for work and you are pleasantly surprised to see your most capable outfit hanging in the closet just screaming to be worn. I definately love having clean clothes. As you probably have guessed, I am doing laundry.
peel the orange. peel the orange. just fucking peel the orange. jeez.
I’m staring at this orange and I really want to eat it but I don’t have the willpower to peel it. What does that say about me? Why the hell can’t I just peel the orange? I love oranges. I love water more, but oranges are my second favorite thing on the planet. I’m lost in the orange and if I peel it, I will be exposing all it’s most sensitive parts. Maybe I just feel sorry for the orange. Fuck it. I’m peeling it.
So, this friend of mine (name withheld), had some lovely kidney stones, at least I think that’s what they were. Anyway, he was in major pain. I think mostly when he peed. So, today he went and got a p-r-o-c-e-d-u-r-e and the end result is a lot of pain killers, an order to drink tons of water and stand on his head a couple of times a day, and oh yeah, they put a tube in his pud. Supposedly this will keep jagged little pieces of creepy sharp crystals from ripping him apart as he pees. Well, that sounds like fun. Eventually, he may even see a little string protruding from the hidden tube. Wow. I’m really glad my favorite food is water and that I don’t have a pud.
I don’t want to breath
I don’t want to cry
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to die
I don’t want to
I don’t want to love
I don’t want to hate
I don’t want to eat
I don’t want to wait
I don’t want to
My head is fucked up
My heart is a curse
This poem fucking sucks
But it could be worse
I don’t want to
Did you ever meet someone that walks in a shadow? Not a shadow of somone else’s, but a shadow of their own. And you wonder why? Why would anyone want to walk in their own shadow? Not realizing who they are, what their potential is, how great they could possibly be. Instead they hide. They hide behind what people think they are, what people assume them to be. It’s sad. Most of these shadow walkers have no ambition, don’t care and often end up doing drugs and drinking, because it’s easier to hide when your high or drunk. It’s easier to pretend when you are wasted. You are the King of the world, or maybe you simply vanish. So, I wonder why? I would rather walk in the light with my shadow at my feet, trailing behind me.
I’ve been thinking too much lately. Maybe I need a drink.
So, yeah, like, I helped my friend and her family move to Montana… I had a great time. I had no idea what it would be like, helping her take care of her kids on a roadtrip, but it was totally fun. It helps that her kids are extremely cool. We hung in Butte for Saint Patricks day and I even wore green, which I haven’t done in forever. Normally I ignore the day because I am so not Irish, but I had a great time. I ate a porkchop sandwich, and drank beer out of a can. Yes, yes I know, I lost princess points in doing so, but it was worth it. I’m going to miss her, and her family, but maybe when I grow up, I can run away to Montana. Ha, like that will ever happen. The growing up part at least.
So, I’m driving to work and there is a minivan (says something right there) in front of me with this stupid bumper sticker:
It pissed me off. Seriously, who the hell puts something like that on their car? What are they really saying? This is what I hear, “I judge others for their way of living because I think I am better than them.”
We live in a world full of murder, suicide, drugs, child abuse, assheads, war, and starvation among other horrific things. The last thing we need to start denying each other is love. Marriage is about love. Who cares if the people that love each other are of the same sex? Seriously, we have way bigger things to concern ourselves with. It is just so petty. No one, absolutely NO ONE can judge someone for wanting to marry the person they love. It is not up to us to judge. And that brings me to the Christian way of thinking that same sex marriage is a sin. Shut up! Just shut up! What kind of true “Christian” can judge another? Just in the simple act of judging, a “Christian” is being “unChristian”. I’m no expert on religion, hell, I’m just a simple girl who believes in everything and everyone, and if you can find someone in this fucked up world to love, who loves you….you are one of the fortunate ones.
This is the bumper sticker I would like to see on that minivan:
Feed IT | dianna riverea on Dancing Raisins |
 | Paul Li on brain power |
 | Erin on ch ch ch changes |
 | Monica on Dancing Raisins |
 | Maria on Holy Shnike! |
