Alone at last. Well, not really alone. My husband and teenage son are still home with me, but we are no longer responsible for the two boys that were staying with us. The experience has brought me many realizations. The first being that I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. I thought I could deal with and handle any situation. I did, but not with nobility, not with humility and with very little love. I am disappointed in myself, but I feel that I have grown from the experience. This is the second time in two years that we have taken in children. The first was my niece while my sister was working out her life. The second were 5 and 6 year old boys — my husband’s best friends kids when he got deployed. Both situations were almost back to back. Up until the boys came to stay, I prayed they wouldn’t. I honestly didn’t think I could deal with someone else’s kids again. My niece had many issues…anger, poor social skills and a serious lack of discipline. She had not been entered into kindergarten yet and was already behind when we got her. She is extremely bright and she picked up on school quickly, but she was very angry and loved to scream. When I took her back to her mom, it was a loving reunion and I was glad to have helped.
When we got the boys, they had major discipline issues, and again no social skills. They thought being violent was a way to play. We got called constantly by the school principal and daycare. It was no fun. Not only that, the oldest had a major learning disability that we were not prepared for. Neither knew their ABC’s. I sometimes think that people have children and then they just ignore them. How can you not teach your kid what they need to know before kindergarten? How can you not want to? Why the hell did you have kids at all if you aren’t going to parent them? It makes me nuts. I’m not the perfect parent, far from it. But I love my son, I pay attention and try to understand my son and I try to teach him as much as I can. I listen to him and I take him seriously. This time, we had to arrange for the boys to go back home, and had the feeling that it wasn’t what their stepmom really wanted. But, they are there, they are home and it’s where they belong.
Ahhh, enough. I’m tired and it’s over, and looking back, it wasn’t all that bad, but if I am going to expend all this energy, I would rather do it with my own kid. I like kids for the most part, but I seriously only want to raise my own.
5 Comments
December 17, 2007 at 1:08 pm
You know, you are being rather tough on yourself. There arent many people who would step up to the plate to begin with. People are so busy in their own lives to help anyone else.
Its hard when you see bad parenting, and kids who are lacking skills from being taught at home.
I applaud your efforts towards these children. Even if you arent quite satisfied with the overall outcome, you can at least say you tried.
December 17, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Thanks. We often are harder on ourselves than we are on others.
December 17, 2007 at 3:49 pm
I can feel your pain! I have been taking in children for wayward siblings and friends for a long time now! I can relate to the frustration of wanting to save all of your parenting energy for your own child–sometimes I feel like I am a lousy mother for inviting the troubled children into my home and disturbing the peace of my own family.
Here’s one ray of hope for you: my mother did the same thing when I was young and I now look back with fond memories on her efforts! At the time, mind you, I whined and complained because I was always having to give up my treasured “own room” to go bunk with siblings, but now that I am older I’m glad mom did it. If I hadn’t been kicked out of my room every once in a while, I would have grown into a selfish brat! Instead, I learned to share my room, share my toys, clothes, and family with troubled children whose lives were blessed by it.
Best of all: I am now doing the same–opening my home to children who have never experienced *real* family. Keep up the good work and don’t let it get you down when it gets too hard to handle. Even Mother Teresa had, “This is too much! Everybody back off!” kind of days!
December 17, 2007 at 8:45 pm
You are being too hard on yourself. You took on a lot, back to back, which is more than lots of people would have done. Those kids will remember this and maybe it won’t make a difference right away, but one day it could make all the difference. You rock!
December 19, 2007 at 1:40 am
[...] just breathe [...]