the afghan fairytale continues

cherikooka — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:51:23 +0000

No berating please. I know it’s been quite some time since my last entry. I’ve been really super busy. 12 hour days – 7 days a week can suck some of the creative energy out of you. Not all of it though. I try to be a little creative once in a while. Take for example the kooky computer wallpapers I’ve been creating. It started out as just this little thing, and I found that I really love doing it. It’s almost like what I do with paper when I do mixed media stuff, but I get to see it on my computer and I don’t have to use scissors and glue. Here’s one:

and another:

Just a little bit of fun here in sunny Kabul… If you want to download them for your computer, go to http://dogsteamer.com and click on the poop.

All in all, my life is amazingly great. I still have the fairytale romance in this surreal place. One day I will open up the stories that accompany that tale, but until then, this will have to do.

Remember – same bat time, same bat channel.

don’t look back–keep moving forward

cherikooka — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:13:00 +0000

I guess you can’t really do a year in review without looking back. So, for a few moments, I’m going to look back at my own personal 2011.

It really started in Dec 2010. I made the decision to change my life and left a marriage that wasn’t working for both parties involved. Well, it wasn’t working for me. In January, I left a job of nearly 13 years and took a chance on a Company I had never even heard of – great decision! It looked as though it was going to be a good year. We tried to work on our marriage, but one of us, and I’m not naming names, not me, didn’t want to make the changes that were blatantly necessary for a successful, happy marriage. So, with a broken and weary heart, I moved on and into a relationship that was even less healthier than the one I left – and I did this twice with the same guy within a 3 month span. God I’m an idiot.

So, the year was starting out kind of crappy – and I was feeling horrible, and then I got this job opportunity within my company and started seeing a really great guy. Of course I completely guarded my heart. It had already been mutilated more than once in such a short time, and I was about to leave the country. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t work out – although I still think of him as a good friend – a truly great guy. I admit I was pretty bummed it didn’t work out, but fate had something else in store for me.

I decided to leave my life to chance and destiny and see where it would lead me. I read the signs that were presented before me and listened to my heart and instincts and I ended up in Afghanistan. Here is a girl that hates guns, doesn’t like to fly and has never left the US and she finds herself in the middle of a war zone (although honestly it doesn’t really feel like a war zone. It’s just home to me). I had no doubts that it was the right path and I still don’t. Before I left for this adventure, my sister told me that I would meet the right person for me within 3 months time. I didn’t want to meet anyone and I really didn’t want to believe her. I wanted to be on my own. Not only did I not want to meet anyone, I was still broken. I’ve been married twice, had so many relationships I’m afraid to count them and there is only one common denominator in all of it – me. I just suck at picking men. They were all pretty much great guys, I just have trouble picking one that I mesh with.

The funny thing is, I’ve never really been on my own before without a love interest, and I was looking forward to it. I found out that I’m pretty good on my own, and quite happy. Being on my own allowed me the opportunity to figure out who I am what I need from the person I share my life with. I’ve never had so much time to think and contemplate as I did in the first month I was here. What it really came down to was that I just wanted to be me. I needed someone to love me just as I am and to give as much as he got – sounds so easy, but oddly hard to find – and if I never found it, I was okay with that. So, right when I was seriously contemplating becoming a nun – no seriously – I met Paul. He.Found.Me. I can’t even compare this relationship to any other I have had, because there is no equal. I’m me. Just me. Not only that, I feel like I am a better person when I am with him. Instead of feeling tied down, I feel free. In most relationships I have had, I’ve felt trapped. With him I feel like I could fly. And now that he has found me, and I know what a truly good relationship feels like, I have something to lose and that scares me a little. It’s actually a good feeling to know that I have something I care about so deeply that I am afraid to lose it. It makes every moment with him that much better.

This last year showed me how important it is to embrace who you are, and be happy with yourself. Cherish every day that you have, and love deeply with compassion – free of judgment and criticism (much harder than it sounds). Remember to be thankful for the people in your life. No one is replaceable. None of us are perfect, and if we were, think of how boring this world would be. Oh, and at some time in 2012 listen to Oingo Boingo – specifically the “Dead Man’s Party” album. It’s good stuff.

moon bunny

cherikooka — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:08:43 +0000

The other night I was shown the bunny in the moon. I had heard of the man in the moon of course, but the bunny in the moon?

Now, I’ve stared at the moon, had long meaningful conversations with the moon, sang to the moon, prayed while staring at the moon, dreamt of going to the moon, have yet to dance naked under the moon, but never once did I notice the bunny in the moon. I can’t believe I never noticed. He is so obviously there!

I’ve always thought of the moon as sort of mystical, carrying great powers over our planet and it’s inhabitants. Supposedly the moon has no real gravitational affect on the human body like it does on earth. Scientifically, research has shown than the full moon has no known correlation with people going haywire, or turning into werewolves during that time. Personally, I haven’t witnessed anyone turning into a werewolf, but I have seen people act wacky during a full moon. I myself get a little off kilter during that time. Yep, even more so than I normally am.

I’m diggin’ the moon bunny… so thanks Paul for pointing him out to me.

—same bat time, same bat channel.

Now, that was a Ball!

cherikooka — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 14:39:35 +0000

Marine Corps Ball, Afghanistan, November 18th 2011. Best. Night. Ever.

I’ve had some great times here in Afghanistan. I know, crazy, right? Well, if you know me at all, you know that a good time can be had no matter where I am and what I am doing. I mean isn’t that what life is all about? Living? Well, the Ball was definitely living! It may have been the beautiful way the ‘powers that be’ jazzed up the place and turned an open area into something almost palatial. It could have been the pride you could feel pouring off the Marines. It could have been the gorgeous dress I was wearing or the rubies dangling from my ears and neck. But I am pretty sure the night was incredible because of who I was with.

You can usually tell if a relationship is going to go well within the first few weeks. When two people come together, it’s always pretty exciting and new and shiny like a new lipstick. Sometimes you wear the lipstick and you find that you really didn’t like that color after all and within the week you are shopping for a new lipstick. Well, once in a blue moon, you find that the lipstick that you just happened to buy is really great. It’s the perfect shade and feels great on your lips. You realize that you love this lipstick and that you want to wear it every day and that oddly, you never get tired of wearing it and you feel naked without it. What do you do when that happens? Go buy all of that lipstick that you can find, because chances are the manufacturer will change it on you! But I’m not really talking about lipstick (although buying tons of one you like is good advice).

When I met Paul, all I remember thinking was that I really liked him. There was something about him that captured my attention. See, I didn’t fly 8000 miles just to get my heart broken yet again so I let him know right away, in my own sweet words, that I’m not the girl you have a fling with. I don’t really remember exactly what I said, but I’m pretty sure I got my point across that if he was just looking for a piece, he wasn’t going to find it with me. Sharon doesn’t share – especially the man that I’m with. He got my point. He just needed to know that if we started walking down that road and we got intimate, he better be prepared for what comes with it. I’m not a love em and leave em kind of girl, and not for lack of trying. It’s just not my thing.

He got it. He understood it. He understands me. He actually likes it. Two weeks into the relationship, he asked me to the Ball. My first thought was, “Wow, he thinks we will still be together in November.” My second thought was, “What the hell am I going to wear?” Come November, I had a great dress and a great guy that makes me smile continuously.

Either I actually prayed for the right things this time, or I got seriously lucky in the man department. It’s my birthday today. It started with a text at 12:30 am from Paul telling me happy birthday and another at around 8:30 and then he came and took me to lunch and gave me a card that almost made me cry. I only didn’t cry because there is no crying in Afghanistan. I won’t say what he wrote, but what I will share is what the card said:

Can you imagine finding the best, most-perfect,

awesome gift in the entire universe?

That’s how I felt when I found you to love.

Happy Birthday

He also gave me a gift card to shop online at a great art store. (I’ve been drawing a lot out here, oddly) And I will see him tonight. See what I mean by seriously lucky?

Well, kids – same bat time, same bat channel.

eclectic electric

cherikooka — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 12:24:27 +0000

I got a phone call the other morning from my kid telling me, in a panicked tone, that there was an electrical fire in my apartment. I asked if everyone was okay and he said yeah. I told him to tell me what happened. He said the power went out and then they smelled smoke. So, it looks like the electrical fire started the attic which is right above my ceiling. Oh boy. It’s kind of a pain to take care of things like this when you are 8000 miles away. He did the right thing and called the fire department and then my girl Virginia, and told her what happened and arranged for himself and his girlfriend Kaitlyn to stay there. At least he got his priorities right. He said the fire department did the most damage – ripping apart the ceiling and trampling on stuff so that kind of sucks.

So now I get to call my insurance company and see what they can do for me. It will be the first time that I have ever had to use my renters insurance. If you don’t have renters insurance – Get It!. You never know what will happen or when you will need it.

It looks as though it will be weeks before the apartment is livable, so my son is looking for a new place. This will be a good experience for him. It’s a pain in the ass to find a new home, but I think he will rise to the challenge.

I’ll post more about this exciting part of my life as it unfolds. In the meantime, remember, same bat time, same bat channel.

love vs. infatuation

cherikooka — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 15:26:56 +0000

Definitions according to Dictionary.com (by the way, one of my FAVORITE websites!)

Love:

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

in·fat·u·a·tion:

foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.

So, I was thinking about this, and I was trying to figure out which I would rather experience if given the choice. I know the [right] answer would be love of course. But think about it. What happens when you fall in love and it ends? Pain. Total, inexplicable, torturous pain! Nothing is worse the the total agony of love. It hurts so intensely when you lose someone you love it takes forever to heal and even then there are lingering ghost pains like losing a limb.l It fucking sucks. And then there is infatuation. Oh, so yummy. All the giddiness of love, but when it ends you just move on to the next victim.

I know that me being the romantic idealistic girl that I am, wants to experience true, all consuming love – the real deal – and I think I am getting closer every day. But the flip side of me longs for the infatuation that does not cause the heartache that love causes. You get in, you get out. No pain, just a goofy smile at the end of the day.

So what brought this on? The fear of falling. And the fear of really having something or someone to lose.

Okay that’s enough serious thought for the day. Remember boys and girls, same bat time, same bat channel.

plop plop fizz fizz…

cherikooka — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 13:08:11 +0000

oh what a relief it is. No, I am not talking about alka seltzer. I’m actually referring to my “state of me”.

So, here’s the thing. I’ve been spinning in circles, and when I finally came to a dizzying stop, I found clarity. The fog lifted, and my world settled into something I finally understood. All this time I thought I was looking for something, or someplace or someone, when all along what I was really looking for was myself. Strange, right? I mean, I spend 24 hours a day with me, and I somehow lost myself. I was so busy trying to be who everyone wanted me to be or expected me to be, I lost me somewhere in the mix. I only have myself to blame, really. Sometimes we want something so badly that we shape ourselves to fit in some crazy mold. I’m not the kind of girl that fits into any mold, no matter how hard I try. I keep expanding and contracting until eventually the mold is cracked beyond repair. My problem was that I would break out of one mold just to find myself seeking another. It’s like a vicious cycle. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I stopped spinning.

No more spinning. No more being someone I am not and no more being someone I don’t like or don’t want to be. I just get to be me and I’m kind of liking who that is.

If you haven’t already, take a good look at who you were, who you have become and who you want to be. Are you happy?

Well kids – remember, same bat time, same bat channel.

your dear and fluffy lord

cherikooka — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 13:07:29 +0000

So, I’m at work in beautiful AFG and we are celebrating Halloween just like every other red blooded American. I didn’t dress this year, but it’s cool. I didn’t really want to. The meaning of the day came up, and one guy went on about some significant things that happened on this day that had nothing to do with Halloween, and in typical Sharon fashion I mentioned that witches dress for what they want for themselves in the upcoming year. Like, wear a suit if you want to be a successful business man, or throw on a bunny costume if you want to have a lot of sex, or something along those lines. Then of course the conversation turned into questions about whether or not witches are evil, and I’m like, “No, they are pagans. I mean, sure there are some out there that are evil, but there are lot’s of people that are evil that aren’t witches.” And then the conversation turned to, “But, they don’t believe in God.” and I’m like, “Sure they do. They believe in the God and Goddess.” and the reply was, “But not Jesus? Because people who don’t believe in Jesus are evil.” and I was like, “No, they don’t believe in Jesus, just like half the religions on the planet including the Jews. The Jews aren’t evil as far as I know.” I find it strange that just because I believe in my own dear and fluffy Lord, someone may think I’m evil because it’s not their dear and fluffy Lord.

See, I’m thinking that we all believe in a different God. I can go to church with you every day of my life, and my God will be different than your God. Just like my sister sees my father differently than I do. We are human after all, which means we are seriously opinionated and irrational according to each other, so it’s only logical that my God may resemble your God, but they are not the same.

That’s how my day went so far. Fun filled!

Halloween History:

Where did Halloween come from? Why do we celebrate it? Is it an American Holiday contrived by Hallmark to make us spend more money? Well, actually, Halloween came to the United States in the 19th Century with the migration of the Irish. The Irish celebrate Samhain. Even though the Irish brought with them this incredible tradition, American’s didn’t truly “Americanize” it until about the 1950′s when trick-or-treating became a holiday fixture. I love Americans!

Stayed tuned…. same bat time, same bat channel.

Change after change after change

cherikooka — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 15:15:30 +0000

So, my new job wasn’t so great as I thought it would be. It’s like trying on clothes or men. Sometimes they fit, and sometimes they don’t and you have to try on something else. Well, that’s what I am doing, only instead of trying on a fancy new pair of jeans, I’m putting back on my faded, comfortable Levi’s. I’m back to being a Systems Administrator, only not in a comfy little office in the Springs, but a slightly crowded, dusty, kind of dirty office in AFG. I’m digging it, because I’m doing what I do and I happen to be really good at it.

So, the world is still spinning, I’m happy and healthy and mad about a certain boy.

That’s all for now. Same bat time, same bat channel.

conversations with my son…

cherikooka — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 15:17:09 +0000

Each morning I check a few things before I even take my allergy pills… e-mail and facebook. Why you might ask? Because I left my 19 year old son in charge of my world back home. I usually get messages, like, “Mom call me when you get this, I need help.” or “Mom, where the fuck are you? Call me.” As a mom, these words should cause PANIC. But, let’s consider the source. We are talking about Kegan. An emergency on his part could be, “I’m out of milk. Can I have some money?” or “Do you know where the pencil sharpener is?” Which is usually the case. But yesterday morning I get – and I quote, “Hey don’t freak out but I’m going to the hospital cause I’ve been coughing up blood.”

As a mom, I know my first reaction should be “Holy Shit! My Baby!” But my first thought was, ‘wow, he spelled coughing right.’ Yeah, I suck in the mom department sometimes. I did call him though and he was already at the emergency room. The conversation went something like this:

Kegan: “Hello?”
Me: “Hey, you okay?”
Kegan: “I’ve been coughing up blood for like a month, so I decided to go to the emergency room because I couldn’t stop coughing.”
Me: “Did you see a doctor yet?”
Kegan: “No, I’m still waiting.”
Me: “It’s probably bronchitis or pneumonia. Do you have your insurance card?”
Kegan: “No, they didn’t ask for one.”
Me: “Okay. I will call back in an hour. I love you.”
Kegan: “Okay, I love you too.”

One hour (give or take ten minutes) later.

Kegan: “Hello?”
Me: “Did you see a doctor?”
Kegan: “Yeah, I have cancer.”
Me: “Shut up. That’s not even funny.”
Kegan: “Wow that must make you feel horrible that you can’t make a kid that doesn’t get cancer.” (Have I mentioned my son is a complete smart-ass, twisted sense of humor kind of person?)
Me: “What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t say shit like that, it’s not even funny. I’ll call you in an hour.”

One hour (give or take a few minutes) later.

Kegan: “Hello?”
Me: “Did you see the doctor yet?”
Kegan: “Yeah, I’ve got a blood clot and they need to operate tomorrow.”
Me: “Are you fucking with me?”
Kegan: “No. they have to do surgery tomorrow.”
Me: “Seriously? Are you serious? Are you fucking with me? This isn’t funny.”
Kegan: “Nah, I have bronchitis. They gave me some steroids and an inhaler thing.”
Me: “Jesus kid, you’re killing me. Don’t mess with me like that. I swear your going to hell for making your mother freak out.”
Kegan: “Ha, I don’t believe in hell.”
Me: “That’s why it’s funny. I’m glad you are okay. I love you and I will talk to you later.”
Kegan: (Laughing) “I love you too mom.”

I swear, I don’t know where he get’s his attitude or his sense of humor from. It can’t possibly be from my side of the family! – It’s like being around my brother, only worse. I love my kid, but he makes me crazy.